last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
