I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
