I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize