somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
