I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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