yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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