We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
