its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
