They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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