so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
