It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
