woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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