he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
