Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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