What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im part way to drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
