look no pants
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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