i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
