How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
