I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
