i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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