if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
