he thought i was a dude.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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