this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
