My liver just broke up with me...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
