Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
