Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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