Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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