I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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