just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
