one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
