That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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