We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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