I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
