i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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