dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
