She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
