She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
