if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
