I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
