o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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