I need help removing her.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
