why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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