I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
