I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
