I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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