you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize