seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
