I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
