Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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