Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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