I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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