can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
