Soap is not a condiment
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
