i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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