Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
