Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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