That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
