How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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