If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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