Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize