I hate your face
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
