why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
