found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
