We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
