me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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