Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
