watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
