fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
